I always wonder if this is just me.  The worry, the stress, the consuming thoughts about what is “normal”, what is acceptable behavior/clothes/words.  I sensor myself a lot on my other blog.  So many things I want to say or react to but worry about offending or being weird or out of place or disrespectful or…

See, obsessive.  So what is normal? 

• What is normal when talking to a pre-schoolers teacher?  What am I allowed to ask or request and not be an overbearing mom?
• What is normal in terms of finances, are we ahead of the game or behind it?
• What is normal for fighting with your husband?  For sex?  For sex after 2 kids?
• What is the proper hair length for a 33 yo women?  Is mine too long for my age?  Should I cut it more?
• How “fat” am I?  How am I perceived?  What do other people see?  I have no idea how I compare to everyone around me - I have a warped sense of this.
• Should I wear make-up?  Is it weird I don’t?
• How much risk should a couple in our position take on investments?
• Am I too lazy?  Am I too unstructured with the kids when we are home?
• How bad do we really eat compared to other families with 2 working families and kids?
• Is it really not normal that I don’t fawn over our dog?
• Is it normal that when I start a book I can finish 629 pages in under 3 days, and work, hit the pool, take care of the kids and house?

Everything I do and everything I think about ties into these type of thoughts.  Is that normal?  Do other people do that?  I don’t think my husband does at all.  Is it a girl thing?  Is it a moving every 2 years thing?  Is it me and I need medical intervention?

I do think that we are doing OK.  We have great family, great friends, great kids.  But underneath the pollyanna and the filtering of what I share of my life, I wonder.  I wonder if these thoughts are OK?  I am able to manage and function and do what needs to be done.  But sometimes I wonder.  I wonder if I need to be locked up or on medication or maybe it is normal.  I wonder if any of this spills over to my kids, I don’t want it to.  I want my girls to be carefree like their dad.

I don’t even care about the competition of some of the things above, I just want to know if we are average or where we need to improve to be normal.  I wonder if it matters?  I wonder…

If I don’t hit publish right now I won’t post this.  I wonder if I should.